


A mind made up

by froopsen



Series: Kya/Lin one-shots [3]
Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Hurt, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:07:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26977834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/froopsen/pseuds/froopsen
Summary: Sometimes shit just hurts. Doesn't matter how much love there is.
Relationships: Lin Beifong & Kya II, Lin Beifong/Kya II
Series: Kya/Lin one-shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970392
Comments: 18
Kudos: 78





	A mind made up

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IupinNthqx4  
> listen to this for a mood setting

They sat at the kitchen table. It was late and besides the lamp shining down on them, the room was dark.

“I really am sorry,” Lin said, looking at Kya.

“It’s okay,” she answered, though her voice sounded so – weak. As weak as she probably felt.

“No, it’s not,” Lin corrected.

A sigh escaped Kya’s mouth and all she could do at that point was shrug. Lin was right. It was _not_ okay.

“I hurt you and for that I am sorry. I never wanted to-“

“Okay.” She felt her voice tremble and she hated it. Kya just wanted her to stop talking – to stop apologizing – just to _stop_. Somehow it hurt more when she apologized. But she should, shouldn’t she? Then why didn’t it feel right?

Silence.

Lin’s heart broke, like it had for the entire evening, to a point where she thought it had to be done now. Surely a heart couldn’t break that much. But seeing Kya in that state of…sheer pain – none that could be soothed by Lin. On the contrary: it was her who had caused it. That feeling alone made Lin want to curl up in a corner.

Kya spoke again, “Don’t look at me like that.” If her voice hadn’t cracked halfway through the sentence, it could have sounded harsh.

“Like what?”

Kya gestured around. “Like I’m supposed to say something. I don’t _know_ what you want me to say.”

“Nothing.”

Kya felt the tears pricking and she cursed her body for the betrayal. The more she tried to suppress the urge to just cry, the thicker the knot in her throat got.

“I just don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t-“ She was interrupted by the first tears finally breaking loose and rolling down her warm cheeks, “I don’t _want_ to leave.” She took a shaky breath to calm herself before continuing. “But I don’t know how to be in the same room as you and not feel so-“

“I know, I know,” Lin didn’t want her to finish the sentence. She’d rather theorize in her head. She’d rather torture herself with the different possible answers. She’d rather guess, than know. Because if Kya were to say just _how_ it made her feel, Lin wouldn’t be able to be in the same room as her either – knowing. She’d rather stay clueless and torture herself over it, than for Kya to verbalize the pain she surely felt. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, will you stop apologizing!” Kya slammed her hand on the table – the adrenalin sending more tears to stream. It was like her body tried to rage against the pain – trying to attack it, fight it. _Fight it!_ , the tear in her body screamed at her. As though spending more energy would make it easier – would tire her out, make her less resistant. As though it would persuade her to let go, let Lin go and just leave. Leaving used to help. Kya just knew she couldn’t. It was too late for that and the realization, that leaving would somehow do much more harm than hurting now, made her even angrier. Like she should have noticed before, like she had been fooled by her own feelings. “Just stop.”

Lin shied away at the tone. Kya rarely got angry and even when she did, she never got loud. People always said how silence was worse than words, but for Lin, hearing Kya’s voice like this – full of hurt – was ten times worse, than any silence.

Because Lin could take silence. She could take it, because she had lived with it for the better part of her life. Silence when she’d come home, when she’d stay at the office, when she’d train, when she’d drive through the city. She had gotten used to it over the years and it had been fine.

Then she’d had Kya. And she had gotten used to her, too. Lin knew Kya felt the same. And as it turned out now, that might not be enough. And _that_ , Lin couldn’t wrap her head around

How had they gone from happy laughter, drinking tea, long walks, whispered promises and loving nights to _this_? To sitting in the dark. To Kya holding a hand over her mouth to quiet the pain spilling from her mouth as whimpers. How had it come to this? To Kya’s crying filling the room and making it so difficult to breathe.

Kya stood, but Lin didn’t follow. She sat there paralyzed and watched as Kya went to the drawer and got a tissue. Lin hoped the other woman wouldn’t move further, wouldn’t leave her in the kitchen – or at all. Kya wiped her tears and blew her nose, then came back to stand facing Lin – unbearably close – her stomach at the height of the earthbender’s face.

Lin couldn’t bring herself to look up at her. She was scared to meet her gaze, scared to see an answer – a mind made up.

“Look at me,” Kya commanded.

Lin didn’t. She turned her head towards the wall.

“Lin.”

Her name drenched in impatience. “I can’t, Kya.” It sounded pathetic. A scared child speaking. She felt like running. Away from something – someone – she usually wanted nothing more than to run towards. Lin felt Kya’s delicate fingers carefully touching her chin. They were colder than normally, and the contact made her dizzy.

Kya carefully turned the other woman’s face upwards so their eyes could meet – could have met, if Lin hadn’t closed hers. “I said, _look_ at me.” It was a plea now, more than anything else.

Lin grimaced, forcing her face to oblige, readying herself before opening her eyes. There it was. Everything she had been so afraid of. Kya’s reddened eyes. Kya’s damp cheeks. Pain laying over her face like a thin veil.

Lin thought maybe the fingers still touching her face had somehow transferred it, because now it was her, who couldn’t fight the tears any longer. They came and met the waterbender’s fingertips. They looked at each other, letting their emotion spill out and intertwine until the metalbender was almost certain that if it weren’t for the blurry vision, they could see it manifest itself in a visible form – an object.

“Get up,” Kya said.

Lin did, the chair creaking as it was pushed aside.

Kya gave her a tissue, too.

She wiped her face. “Kya-”

“I’m tired, Lin.”

Her eyes flicked over to the clock. “It’s late.”

“I’m exhausted and it has nothing to do with sleep.”

“Oh.”

Kya’s sigh reached Lin as they stood close. “Remember how we said we were too old to fight?”

Silence.

“I don’t have the energy to fight you,” Kya said, “I meant it.”

Lin didn’t understand. “Are you leaving then?” She swallowed hard.

Kya just shook her head – too tired to even speak. She just didn’t feel the fight anymore. Those harsh words, the hand slamming down on the table. That had been the last of it and she knew. What was there now?

Lin stayed quiet as she saw Kya’s face moving further towards her.

“Let me?” the waterbender asked.

Lin nodded and Kya’s lips met hers. She just stood there as Kya pressed them together, separated them, pressed them together and separated them.

Kya felt the tears streaming again as their lips joined and parted. She let them. She cried, breaking the kisses and sealing them again, sometimes taking longer, focusing on the feeling of their skin together. She could feel it working. Could feel her soul remembering.

Lin stood mostly still, but when Kya’s crying turned to sobbing, she held her back at her shoulders. “What are you doing? This feels wrong.”

Kya shook her head opted to lean forward, resting her weight against the smaller woman, lazily swinging her arms around Lin’s hips. “Hold me,” she whined.

Lin didn’t even try to understand anymore. What was the point? Kya seemed to know what she was doing and so long as she didn’t leave, things were alright. _They_ would be alright. Wouldn’t they? And to quiet that voice in her head, Lin did as she was asked. She held Kya tight, feeling the tears pooling on her shoulder. She couldn’t name it anymore. Was it still painful to hear her cry? Was she still experiencing this or was her mind long gone now, replaced by some empty swirling?

Kya gripped harder at Lin, holding her close, reminding herself why she couldn’t leave. Reminding her body, why she cried, reminding herself how anything other than this was just not an option altogether. However much it hurt now, tomorrow it would hurt less and the love would take care of things if they just gave it the chance to. Love couldn’t heal this, but they could.

“I’m sorry.”

The words full of remorse stinging at Kya’s core and pushing more tears, sending more tremors until there weren’t any left.

All that was left now, were the two of them. In fact, they hadn’t moved much from the table – and yet, they were somewhere entirely different. Locked in their embrace.


End file.
